


Same As It Never Was - Donatello's Story

by FireFaceOutlook



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: Don't Examine This Too Closely, Gen, Minor Original Character(s), My First Work in This Fandom, POV First Person, Post-Same As It Never Was, this is old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 18:35:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14142063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireFaceOutlook/pseuds/FireFaceOutlook
Summary: Mikey, Leo, Raph...Master Splinter... I'm so sorry I failed you.





	Same As It Never Was - Donatello's Story

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N: Before you read and hate this, just let me clear some things up. This story is _four years old_ , and one of my first fanfictions. I was worse at writing then compared to now (even if I haven't really improved, lol). Also, it's in First Person POV, like the tags mention; a big mistake on my part, but back then, that was my go-to Point of View. Please don't be too criticizing (I might fully rewrite this at some point) and enjoy the story!**   
>  **Also, for those of you who haven't seen the SAINW comic, I recommend reading it so I don't accidentally spoil anything, because I'm pretty sure most of the events I mention regarding some of the turtles only get revealed in the comic, not the show.**   
>  **And finally: Memories = Bold**

**It was cold; it was dark. The air stank of sweat and waste; of metal and despair; of rotting flesh and spilled blood. I don't know how long I've been stuck in this Hell hole. No light touched the cold stones except for the single torch that stood at the base of the stairs. It's pretty much how you'd envision a medieval dungeon right? Well, it's certainly not in the past and I'm not just a prisoner – I'm a trophy. I'm just a reminder sitting on a shelf -- or in this case, in a cell – collecting dust...and multiple wounds that definitely would remain visible whether they festered or turned to scars. It's been months since I was captured, weeks since I was last fed, mere days since the Shredder announced that he would be going after my brothers and father. I felt so useless as I screamed at him, even more so when I discovered that my Sensei was dead and my brothers gone. How could I go on?**

  


It was strange, being back in New York City. Heck, it was strange to see the city lights shining as if the horror of the Shredder hadn't happened. The wrecked buildings were in the middle of being reconstructed, and I knew that the despised Utrom wouldn't have allowed anything to be rebuilt, so that could only mean one thing: my brothers were alive and they had ended the reign of the Shredder. I had to find them; I had to tell them how sorry I was that I left like a coward...but I had no choice. If I told them the truth, I'm sure they'd understand... _Please let them understand._

I looked down at the streets below, not a person in sight. They must still be afraid to go out after dark, being under the Shredder's rule for so long. I pulled the hood of my worn cloak up over my head and leapt to the street below, brandishing my bo staff like I had so long ago. I began jogging for the Resistance Lair that Angel had given me the location of. I wasn't sure how she knew, seeing as she was quite far from where she claimed it was, but I was just grateful that she understood why I wasn't around. I could only hope my brothers would understand as well.

  


**"...he's planning on killing you..."**

**I looked up, eye narrowing as I clutched my bloody eye socket.**

**"Death's better than this torture," I spat, trembling.**

**The Foot Ninja eyed me, taking in my battered form, my missing arm, and my empty eye socket.**

**"You should escape," he stated plainly.**

**"How? Find a weapon that just _happens_ to be lying around?"**

**I wished he would just end it instead of toying with me and trying to drag hope out of me before crushing it. He remained quiet for a few minutes before kicking the bo staff – _my_ bo staff - into his hands and walking towards the door of the cell, keys swinging around his finger. I turned away, not wanting to watch him leave me alone with no hope of escape...again.**

**There was a soft _chink_ after he noisily closed the cell door.**

**"Oops," he mumbled, almost too softly for me to hear. There was a soft tapping noise, then nothing.**

**I risked looking back and shock filled me when I saw the soft gleam of the key ring in the dull light. I stumbled to the cell bar, suddenly glad my arm wasn't bleeding any longer as the room spun around me. I laid on my plastron and reached out with my remaining arm, pressing my face against the cold metal and ignoring the screaming pain in my eye. I managed to hook my finger on the keys and pulled them to me, fumbling with them as I stood. I shakily inserted them into the key hole of the cell door and unlocked it, stepping out. I noticed my bo staff leaning against the wall right next to the stairs and moved quickly, grabbing it in my left hand. I gave it a few experimental spins to get used to the weight -- and the fact that I had an actual weapon again – before looking up the stairs. This would most likely be my only chance to escape; I had to act immediately, but cautiously. Taking in a deep breath to calm my nerves, I began my trek up the stairs to join the world above once more.**

  


I had finally reached the Resistance Lair, but upon entering, I noticed it was empty. Well, Angel did warn me that they might have all been out burying the dead; she had thought ahead and gave me the location of the cemetery too. I really hoped there weren't too many casualties. It did make me wonder what happened to April and Casey. With that in mind, I set off for the cemetery. It didn't take long to arrive and I stayed among the trees when I did finally reach it. I didn't want to see anyone until I talked to my brothers.

"They were brave warriors and my best friends."

I knew that voice; it was April! Even after thirty years, it was hard to mistake her strong tone, though it wavered with tears. When I saw her, my grip tightened on my bo staff. The fight was not kind to her, but she was still April, no matter what.

"I... No, we thank you... Splinter, Leonardo, Raphael, and Michelangelo...and my dear Casey... We will miss you..."

My heart stopped and everything around me seemed to disappear.

_No, no, I just misheard her...!_ I screamed to myself.

But as the crowd began to disperse, I had a clear view of the three headstones sitting in front of a wooden marker; Leo, Raph, Mikey... They were all ! I hardly noticed that the crowd was gone, though it wouldn't have mattered as I rose to my feet and stumbled into the clearing. I managed to stay standing until I reached the burial places of my brothers; I felt weak and dropped to my knees, leaning on my staff as I ran my eyes over my brothers' names. The words blurred as tears filled my left eye, overflowing and sending the salty liquid streaming down my face. They couldn't be gone! I came back for them; they couldn't have...died... ...yet here was the proof in front of me...

_"Say it with me, Don! Cowabunga!" **Mikey.**_

_"You need to sleep, Donnie." **Leo.**_

_"Listen, Brainiac, shut up and get moving before I knock ya out and drag ya to it." **Raph.**_

_"My sons... I am so proud of you all." **Splinter.**_

_"Hehe, love you guys!" **Me.**_

"Donnie?"

  


**I woke with a scream, panting and clutching my blankets tightly as I stared blankly at the ceiling.**

**"Donnie?"**

**It was Mikey, I knew, but I couldn't move, paralyzed from fear, though fear of what, I wasn't sure.**

**"Don, dude, you okay?"**

**When I didn't reply again, Mikey shuffled into view, hand landing on my elbow, making me flinch involuntarily. That didn't stop him from pulling me to my feet and out of bed.**

**"C'mon bro," my younger brother whispered, grabbing my blanket and wrapping it around me before wrapping his own arm around my shoulders and leading me out of the room, allowing me – even encouraging me silently – to lean on him for support as I stumbled on shaky limbs. The next couple of minutes were a blur. I snapped back into reality when I was being pushed onto the couch. Mikey made a 'stay here' gesture, then disappeared from view. I thought about my nightmare, then buried my face in my hands, eyes stinging.**

**"Don?"**

**I hadn't heard anyone sit next to me, but Raph was suddenly there, bags under his eyes from exhaustion, but nothing in his expression except worry...for me.**

****

**"You okay, Donnie?" he asked softly.**

**I shook my head slightly and he sighed, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me to the side to lean against him. I did and closed my eyes, managing to wrap my arms around his waist.**

**"It was just a dream..."**

**Another presence joined us, a warm plastron pressing against my side as a pair of arms wrapped around _my_ waist; I had a suspicious feeling it was Mikey. But when two more arms joined the hug-fest, I suddenly realized we weren't on the couch anymore, but on a pile of blankets and pillows, most likely brought down by Mikey, in front of the worn piece of furniture. Leo had come in at some point without me realizing it, but I didn't care. I had my family to keep the nightmares at bay...for now.**

  


I looked behind me to see April. She recoiled warily, most likely seeing my optic. I reached up and pulled my hood further over my face as I shakily stood.

"Donatello... Is it actually you?"

"They're really gone..." My voice sounded dull and defeated, even to myself.

"Don--"

"I'm so sorry April."

I turned to face her and I watched her eyes linger on the metal melded to my body. I backed away as she stepped forward.

"Don..."

"I don't deserve to live...” I whispered. "It's my fault they're gone..."

"No, Donnie, don't run-- Donnie, wait!"

I was already running through the trees, more tears blurring my vision. I had to find a place to steady my mind, but where? If the lair had been available, then the Resistance most likely would've used it as a base. But what about...

  


**I was going to die, wasn't I? I couldn't find the will or energy to move. I was forced to remain in the rubble as I held my hand over the wound on my upper left chest; a piece of my plastron was missing from that area. I would have to find a way to protect that part of my chest...if I ever made it out of the cave.**

**"Please..." I whispered into the stifling air. "Please, don't let it end like this..."**

**I leaned my head back against the rocks behind me, closing my eyes, though it was pretty useless with my right eye.**

**"I-I'll stop mourning. I'll train hard a-and become better for my brothers. I'll go back for them..." Because they had to be alive...right?**

**I rambled on until darkness claimed me.**

**When I came to, the bleeding in my chest had stopped and there was fresh air in the cave. I saw a hole in the rocks that caved me in; the hole looked about big enough for the bo staff to fit through. I hesitated before grabbing the weapon and scooting to the rock wall, sticking the staff into the hole and leaning all my weight on it. The rocks shifted with a _crack_ and I leapt back. The pile fell apart, letting in the cold wind outside. I mentally thanked whatever entity that had been watching over me and promised myself that I wouldn't stop training and becoming better until I could return to my brothers and end the Shredder's rule with them.**

  


I reached April and Casey's old apartment and slid open the window after breaking the rust latch with one of my shuriken. I noted that the layer of dust was fairly new and decided someone must've came here at some point, but stopped coming recently. A chill ran down my spine when I realized it could've easily been my brothers who had come here to stay while hiding from the Shredder. The very thought that this might've been my brothers' refuge made me feel sick; here I was, screwing up another part of my brothers. But I forced myself to enter the room and shut the window behind me, locking it firmly and making sure all the other windows and the door were locked up tight too, closing all the curtains while I was at it. I sat on the worn couch, coughing harshly as the dust flew into my nose and throat. I let out a sharp sneeze and stood quickly, rushing to the window I had come in and throwing open the curtains again, unlocking and sliding the window open. I inhaled the city air with a large gasp, rubbing my face to get the dust off.

"Guess I have cleaning to do if I'm gonna be staying here..."

But I'd only be staying until I had supplies to leave. There was no way I could stay in the same city that my dear brothers had died in. The thought made my eye water again, my optical vision flickering.

It took me a week to clear the apartment of all its dust, avoiding humans – especially April – as well. I went to the cemetery everyday, leaving a single flower for each of my brothers each time. Sometimes April found me there and tried to talk to me, at which point I always fled, but most of the time, no one was there.

With the apartment clean, I mostly slept with every exit locked up as securely as I could make it. I had to steal to eat, though if I had money, I would've left it. I secretly helped with reconstruction at night when I made my patrol rounds; I wanted to do one last "tradition" before I had to leave for good. The nightly project got me in the papers, but fortunately, the people could only see a figure in a cloak, so I was safe for now. Heh, they were calling me the _"Guardian Angel of New York City"_. If only they knew what horrible things I had done before returning. I certainly wouldn't have been remembered as an angel. Besides, angels were blessed while I was cursed.

  


**"Donnie...”**

**"No worries, you guys. I'll be home before you know it. If anything happens, I'll meet you guys at the old drainage junction by the docks. Okay?"**

**My brothers reluctantly nodded, waving as I headed off. _No big deal,_ I thought. _I'll be back without a scratch._**

**...but I didn't come back at all...**

  


I was sneaking around the Shredder's burned out base one night. I entered and noticed all the destroyed robots; my brothers' handiwork, no doubt. My stomach knotted, but I kept going. I had to replace my own metal. It was rusting because it wasn't protected against the rainstorms that plagued the city while I was finishing an apartment building. I had to leave my cloak at home – the apartment, not home; it would _never_ be home, not without my brothers – to dry out, because I couldn't use electricity without drawing attention to my temporary hide-out and it was still damp, so I was left to be even more careful that no one saw me. I noticed a mostly intact robot and walked over to it, using my bo staff to flip it over. It was quite heavy, even using my staff. I recoiled in disgust when I saw that the robot was a replica of Karai.

_"Witch,"_ I hissed, anger flaring up as I smashed my bo into her metal face, careful to leave one optic untouched.

The anger faded and I crouched, sheathing my bo and using my bare hands to rip off her right arm, setting it in the pack I had found under the apartment bed. I had to use my metal fingers to peel off the right side of her face; I'd have to shave it down to the correct size later. After putting that in the bag, I looked over the metal to see which part would be best for my plastron. I didn't even notice her remaining optic light up until it was too late.

  


**When I was traveling back towards New York – on foot, unfortunately – was I constantly hounded by Foot Ninjas who were sent by Shredder. It was only my skills, new and old, and training that kept me alive. I helped local towns who were having thug problems by ridding them of the criminals permanently. The towns usually left out food and supplies for me, though they didn't know who I was, and soon news traveled to towns ahead of me, so I had to go out of my way to rid them of threats _and_ remain hidden from human eyes. It was worth it, though, to be able to continue to help people and remain strong at the same time.**

**At night, however, when I slept on a roof at the edge of the town, or in a tree just outside the houses, I dreamed of my brothers, or didn't sleep at all. But whether I slept or not, my siblings filled my mind. I constantly wondered if they were alive, but then I would scold myself and tell myself constantly that the miracle that I had lived that day in the cave proved that they were alive, though I often felt doubt at my own assurance...**

  


I grunted as I flew across the room and slammed into a wall, causing it to crumble down around me. I managed to roll out of the way before I could be pinned, but before I could get up, I was grabbed by my bandanna; it tore off and I was suddenly really glad it had been wrapped around the top of my head, not my eyes. I stumbled away, but the robot was fast and slammed its fist into my plastron, right where the metal was fused to the shell. I cried out as the metal splintered, digging into my skin. I whipped out my bo staff and attempted to bat the bot back; I needed room to move, to think.

The Karai bot ripped the staff out of my hands and threw it aside. It landed by my bag and I decided absentmindedly that what I didn't use for my replacement optic and arm, I could use for my plastron. If I could just get to my bag... But as I continue ducking and weaving between the robot's attacks, I realized that I couldn't just leave the Karai bot intact; the city could be overrun again. I had to stay and fight.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't see the fist until it connected with my face. I flew back and landed hard on my shell, and before I could even attempt to get back to my feet, the Karai bot was on top of me, slamming its fists repeatedly into my cracking plastron and my unprotected face. My optic shattered and I cried out hoarsely as one punch landed on my throat, making my vision swim with black spots. My lungs burned as one of my ribs broke from the onslaught and I struggled to keep breathing and remain conscious, but I was loosing the battle.

_Mikey, Leo, Raph...Master Splinter... I'm so sorry I failed you._

I could only manage a whimper as another of my ribs broke, but as the Karai bot raised her fist and drove it down once more, nothing came out as everything went black.


End file.
